Apocalyptic ballerina cancer fundraiser

Two objectively stunning women standing together at an art show in front of photos of a ballerina. — Erin and Linda at our show/ photo by steffen matt

After my friend Linda was diagnosed with a type of breast cancer that was was only treatable by chemotherapy, radiation and surgery, we decided to do a photo series of an Apocalyptic Ballerina together. We had always wanted to do this, but suddenly it became more poignant. After some chatting, we thought it would be great to make it a fundraiser for a local breast cancer charity. We partnered with Breast Cancer Action, a group that researches and educates on environmental causes for cancer, and embarked on our first charity event. It was Linda’s first ballet photo series, my first solo photo show, my first composite photo/Photoshop-heavy picture attempts, and a hell of a lot of fun. We also learned some things.

Charity is harder than it should be

One of the first things we discovered is that if you want to make money for charity and not have it taxed as income, it is not easy (we did this in San Francisco). You either have to find a charity to work with you (which we did), or you have to fill out a seemingly endless stack of paperwork to get full-time or temporary charity status. Also, the charity itself has to do a huge amount of work for you, to allow you to help them, as they are subjected to the pile of bureaucratic mess that you are trying to avoid. So not all charities are willing to partner with someone who wants to do their own event — though they will all just take straight up donations. Marie Bautista of BC Action was our charity superhero sponsor. As we wanted to provide tax receipts for people who purchased art, there were many stipulations we had to follow. Also, we found out that you can only give tax receipts for physical purchases for the amount above the cost of the physical item. Charity, it seems, is in the paperwork.

Most businesses don’t donate a lot to charity

We had started out thinking that we would be getting all our locations, outfits, hair, makeup and prints donated to us. We had figured out a way, via Breast Cancer Action, that people who donated time or physical items could get a tax receipt for the goods or services they provided. We thought this was awesome and everyone would totally go for it. Good cause? Giant smiles? Cancer-ridden ballerina? Who isn’t going to help out with that?

It was a harder sell then we thought it would be — but we did have successes. Diva International did Linda’s hair for the Pier Shoot. They are super rad people. They were not open during the times we needed to shoot the other scenes, but they did offer to help as much as we needed. The background for the Coal Mural shoot was lent to us by Zeph Fishlyn and the Beehive Collective, and we shot that scene in the Obvious offices. eBay was the only business we found that actually has a charity policy, wherein they wave their fee entirely and let you use their service for free. They also had amazing customer service, who helped us out when we accidentally got ourselves banned by testing our auction with insane numbers that set off their fraud detector. Our mannequins and easels for the show were donated by Leslie Wong of Blueprint Studios. We got charity discount rates from our other vendors TCHO (thanks Tyler!) and Photoworks, but we both still ended up having to shell out a reasonable amount of money to make it all happen.

Another discovery we made was that businesses tend to run out of their charitable donation budgets early in the year. So if you’re planning something, start in January.

DIY and have really good friends

Linda and I did her hair and makeup ourselves after the first location. Linda was also largely outfitted with my personal clothes, as I tend to own a lot of puffy, gothy dresses. My old rave gear and Burning Man accessories were also heavily featured. This cut costs and justified a lifetime of playing dress-up. We did have to buy a cheap cat suit online, but I later re-purposed it. You can always use a cat suit at some point in your life, at any rate, so it’s never a bad investment.

Our friends: Ashley, John, Juan, Ally, Ramiro; Linda’s husband Steffen; and my then-husband, all volunteered at a few shoots each. We kept to free public locations mostly, but Ashley and John let us use the rooftop of their building as well. My friend Dan DJ’d at the event, providing great apocalyptic accompaniment.It’s amazing to have real friends to help out when you really need them, and ours stepped up to the challenge.

Special shout-out to the Chronicle building security guard for not kicking us out of the Minna Street bridge tunnel for throwing garbage around and blocking the street temporarily (giant smiles did come in handy there — and yes, we did clean it up).

You can get a disease ironically

Maybe it’s because I live in the Mission in San Francisco and am constantly surrounded by hipsters who love irony, but near the end of our shoots, I found out that I had cervical cancer. Oh well, at least I was already raising money for someone’s cancer, right? Our show was set for two weeks after I got my diagnosis and two weeks before my hysterectomy, so it was nice to have a distraction.

Apocalyptic Ballerina art is hard to sell…but cool as fuck

Three pieces of mounted art showing a ballerina writing notes on the pier.

We did end up selling quite a few pieces and raised $4400, but we have some left. (Hint, hint!) Maybe a goth ballerina surrounded by toxic waste is not everyone’s cup of tea? Clearly we think it’s awesome, but we definitely have a target market. I don’t think we got enough visibility by word of mouth alone, but we tried, had fun and raised money for a good cause. So without further ado, I give you the Apocalyptic Ballerina!

The Apocalyptic Ballerina

The Toxic Pier

In a world of toxic turmoil, the Apocalyptic Ballerina stands guard on a pier, ready to warn nomads to stay away from San Francisco. It had recently been deemed a ‘dead zone’ by the government, but news, even official, was traveling slowly these days. She sees a war ship approaching a dock and quickly sets to writing a note, “Caution, quarantine area”, that she stuffs into a bottle and throws into the water. She hopes they get the message in time, and she wonders how much time she has left for herself.

A ballerina clad in cyberpunk black clothes stands, arms raised, waving at ships off the pier. — Nomads on the move

A ballerina clad in black cyberpunk clothes, writes a note, while crouching on the pier. — A warning to send

A ballerina, clad in black post-apocalypse clothing is writing a note. You see close up that it reads, "Caution quarantine zone." — Caution quarantine zone

A ballerina wearing black tight apocalypse style clothing holds up a bottle containing a note. The sky around her is a green fog. — Message in a bottle

A ballerina stands, head down with her hand up. A bottle with a note inside is in the front of the frame. She has thrown it into the air. — Fly away bottle

The Lookout

A month had passed since the last toxic cloud rolled in, but the Apocalyptic Ballerina insisted a sentinel be posted by Twin Peaks everyday. People needed to get the gas mask warning; no one was wearing them all of the time because of the blistering. Volunteers were waning, so she was on her 3rd shift in a row. She thought she saw something on the horizon, but she wasn’t certain. Straining, she almost wished they weren’t pumping anti-toxins from all the buildings, because then, she could smell it coming. It came over the hill so quickly she almost didn’t have time to put on her own gas mask, let alone sound the warning sirens. A wall of toxic cloud, they had created, and it was going to kill them.

Ballerina in a flowing black dress stands looking over the side of a rooftop. A gasmask is on the roof beside her. — The sentinel watches

A ballerina in a black flowing dress is crouching on a rooftop, eying something off in the distance. — Suspicion on the horizon

A ballerina holding a gas mask in her hand, stands on a rooftop. A dark cloud is rolling over the hill towards her. A pipe jutting out of the roof has smoke drifting from it. — A toxic cloud approaches

A ballerina crouches with intent on a rooftop. Her face is near the smoke drifting out of a pipe venting in the roof top. — Breathing in the anti-toxins

A ballerina, surrounded by dark clouds, has her hands in the air. She is wearing a gas mask. — Gas mask warning sounded

The Clean Up

After the toxic cloud dissipated, there was still too much chemical debris everywhere to walk around without a gas mask. The Apocalyptic Ballerina was scouring the city for ‘garbage hot spots’ to bag up. When the acid rains came, they reacted with the plastics and metals in the garbage which created a localized fog that further poisoned the ground. She thought that if she contained the trash and stored the bags under bridges, it had less of a chance to get wet. It was too easy to get ambushed in the buildings, so she preferred to be outdoors. She was hopeful that she could try to grow food one day. Even with the reduced population, canned goods were not going to last forever.

A ballerina wearing a gas mask and gloves stands on her toes on a covered street. She is standing over mounds of garbage. — New garbage hot spot to clean

A ballerina in a white dress, wearing a gas mask and gloves is crouching to pick up a broom from the street. She is surrounded by garbage. — The cleaning begins

A close up of a ballerina's feet and the bottom of her white dress, while she sweeps garbage into a pile. — Toes in toxic debris

A ballerina in a white dress, wearing black gloves and a gas mask is standing in a covered street full of garbage. She holds her hand to her head, weary from cleaning. — Exhaustion will overtake me

A close up of a ballerina wearing a gas mask, black rubber gloves and a white dress. She is holding one hand over her head and the other in front of her chest. In the distance coloured street lights are blurred. — Until tomorrow

The Nightmare

After days of cleaning up garbage from the streets, with little rest, the Apocalyptic Ballerina collapses from exhaustion. She tosses and turns as her mind fills with troublesome thoughts. She is a child’s toy, a ballerina doll, twisted from rough play and then tossed into the trash because she is no longer a perfect plaything. The garbage world she lands in is horrific and terrifying to the delicate ballerina doll. It echoes the history of the surface world of long ago, before the pollution reached critical mass. She tries to escape, through the darkness, but no matter how fast she runs, the world seems to travel around her, bringing her back to the beginning over and over. Weary, she pauses and wonders: at what point could we have stopped this?

A ballerina in a black long dress with white ruffled slip is falling in front of a black and white tapestry. The tapestry shows a world in which coal has no bounds. The ballerina has her hands in the air. She is wearing pigtails and has doll-like black makeup. — Tossed into the trash

A ballerina in a black long dress with white ruffled slip is leaping in front of a black and white tapestry. The tapestry shows a world in which coal has no bounds. The ballerina has her hands behind her and looked terrified. She is wearing pigtails and has doll-like black makeup. — A horrified leap

A ballerina in a black long dress with white ruffled slip is sneaking in front of a black and white tapestry. The tapestry shows a world in which coal has no bounds. To the left, a dark shade encroaches. — Being chased by darkness

A ballerina in a black long dress with white ruffled slip has jumped magnificently in front of a black and white tapestry. Her hands are both off to the right, while she looks off to the left, frightened. The tapestry shows a world in which coal has no bounds. — Stuck in a loop

A ballerina in a black long dress with white ruffled slip is bent over, as though tired, in front of a black and white tapestry. Her hands are bowed towards her feet and her face is obscured. The tapestry shows a world in which coal has no bounds. — A moment of reflection.

The Path Forward

According to the rumour, that the electrical field from the old transformer station repelled the chemical clouds, so the air there was safe to breathe. However, all of the people who lived there — that the Apocalyptic Ballerina knew of, had died of massive organ failure. It seemed as though, without maintenance, the transformer station could cause widespread tumours. It was unfortunate that all the gas masks stopped functioning. There were no more replacement filters and it had just gone on too long. So, she didn’t really have much choice but to risk it. There was one precaution she could take though… aluminum foil. It shielded you from the electrical field, or so she hoped. With grace and speed, she was covered in a matter of minutes. Now all she could do was take a deep breath, and wait.